Susie...the homemaker

Ahh it grows...



The secret desire to be a housewife is growing...I fear it may take over my entirety soon. Well maybe not FEAR. It is a perplexing feeling...that of embracing the very thing you once ran from and denied to no end. Finally. FINALLY I am embracing the fact that all I want in this life is to be the woman that makes her man happy. To meet that man and fall madly and deeply in love with him, and build our life together.



For as long as I can remember love and marriage has been the thing that I feared the most...anyone mentioned it to me and my skin would begin to crawl. But why? Irrational fears and surmisings. I now realize where a lot of those came from, and I am working my way out from underneath the masks. I feel good...good that I am exposing the real me. My real wants and dreams for life.



Is it really so bad to long to be the wife and mother someone is out there dreaming of? Is it so awful to want to be the woman that nurtures and builds her husband up? Is it? Really? No it isn't...it is a good thing. I think the sexiest thing in the world is a man completely devoted to his wife. Who wears that band of precious metal on his left ring finger, proudly announcing to the world that he belongs to someone. The one he chose to give his name and his life to. And how wonderful is it to see a woman strong and gentle, holding her toddler and carrying the next soon to be born addition to a growing family? You've seen them. The young family at the park or the grocery store. Makes you smile doesn't it? It makes me smile too...and a wee bit of jealousy creeps in too, I must admit. That is what I want.



Marriage is a wonderful thing to want. For so long I felt that being in love and getting married was likened unto playing Russian roulette--one never knew if it would be something that would destroy their future and hopes and dreams, or something just to get your blood pumping only to leave you feeling neither here nor there...you're alive, but ARE you? You see the marriages I had as examples were just those sorts of marriages. But why should I write off love and my dreams of being a wife and mother on account of others' failures?



Seems rather preposterous doesn't it? This is the reason for my regained hope in attaining my dreams.



My dreams of an epic life still exist, they are just a little re-organized. Instead of traveling the world with my single friends, and having kick ass dinner parties with my single friends, it looks more like wonderful adventures with my future husband, and parties with other couples and their children. Summer barbecues with families from the neighborhood paired with the musical stylings of crying infants, arguing toddlers, and couples happily married and living their domestic dreams.



I think that is a much more attractive photograph myself. Love, babies, summer, fun...vs. Old maids who are obsessed with their chosen snobbery and the life they call "good" to boost their self worth.



For as long as I can remember I have had a bit of a love affair with the 50s. What do the 50s represent? Think about it...What do you picture?



I Love Lucy (Another story lurks here...I LOVE THAT SHOW! But it shall wait :))



The Cleavers



Potsy and the Fonz



The Honeymooners



Poodle Skirts, saddle shoes, and chevy's?



How about mom making a fantastic dinner and having it hot and ready for her loving husband when he arrives home from work. In those TV shows of yesterday the wife was always willing and ready to please her man. She woke up bright and early and prepared him and the family breakfast, met him at the door with a kiss in the morning, and met him again with a kiss in the evening. She sent him with a nutritious lunch...and maybe slipped in a little naughty note ;)



For some this scene brings a wave of nausea and women's lib antics come racing to mind. But for a lot of women this is what we long for.



I have had my feet firmly planted on both sides of that fence. Demanding fiercely my independence and carving out dreams of a prestigious career. And now I have jumped over the fence to the side of wanting to be the wife in those old time TV shows. Susie...the homemaker.



I have decided to embrace my affinity for baking and cooking and doing laundry and keeping my house tidy. I embrace the fact that I love children, and they love me--they flock to me. :) Wherever I am those little buggers find me, and we make each other smile. Kids are wonderful. Nowadays when my friends tease me and say I am a soccer mom, I don't cringe the way I used to...I get a bit of a smile on my face, and think about what it will be like when I really am a mom.



I'm ready for love.



I'm ready for marriage.



I'm ready to begin my life.



I'M READY!