Harsh? Blunt?

Harsh: unpleasantly stern.

I can be harsh at times...but life is harsh. I have always stood very soundly in my opposition to sugar-coating. I think that people are too afraid of hurting one another's feelings. So instead of saying or doing what really needs to be done, they save face and leave things unsaid, or undone. Only for a later outcome...usually ending in the situation spiraling completely out of control.

While we are on the subject of control...Stern has another meaning. The rear of a ship, where the rudder is located. A ship cannot go without a rudder, guiding its every move, making sure the vessel in on course. Making at times, harsh but necessary movements to regain the course of the vessel. These movements are a bit unnerving for passengers, and even the crew, but all are better for the decision to right the course.

Bluntness: the quality of being direct and outspoken.

I like to speak what I think. I think these two qualities are interlinked. I think that in order to be blunt, one must at times be harsh, or at least be accused of harshness. In American culture it is--for some reason-- thought of as bad, or poor taste to be harsh or to bluntly tell the facts. But I think that plenty of times people need just that, and it may well be better for them, and all parties involved.

Now I don't run around telling people exactly every single thing that pops into my head. But certain things need to be shared. I always try to be as tactful as possible. Yes people's feelings get hurt, but it is not okay to run around hurting people's feelings for sport.

In these last few weeks I have made some harsh decisions...the hardest was to tell my best friend and roommate to move out. I felt betrayed by her actions in the weeks prior, and I feel that those actions have led to the demise of our friendship. And some may say this is harsh, and it may well be. But I think that the harsher outcome would be to continue in a toxic situation...waiting for God knows what to come about. She now knows exactly how I feel, and the full effect of her actions. Now we can both move on from here and learn from this situation...

loss on top of loss...

Wow...what can I say besides wow.

People surely never cease to amaze me. So my supposed best friend, and roommate has done just that: amaze me...well maybe a more accurate description is: disappoint and appall.

I just don't understand people.

So here I am in the midst of dealing with the loss of my aunt, the one and only aunt I am close to(One of the only 4 people in my dad's family I am close to). And my supposed best friend couldn't care less. I told her of the situation with my aunt the day it happened, when she was put into the ICU and on the ventilator. She had no concern or even interest--or so it seemed. And through the following weekend and into the next week I heard nothing, nor was I checked on by my supposed best friend.

How is it that near strangers are calling me and texting me and emailing me to see how I am and how my aunt is doing? And my best friend can't even find the concern to even ask me how I am or how it is going with my aunt?

So now I am left in the aftermath of the loss of my aunt, left in the middle of the grieving process and my best friend has no idea that she even died, nor--as it seems--does she even care.

For the first time in my life I am left at a loss for words. I have nothing at all to say to her...nothing. I don't even want to look at her, let alone speak to her. I am so upset, disappointed, and hurt by her I have nothing to say.

There will be words said, but not now. Not while I am dealing with more important things... I just don't see the worth in speaking to her right now.... A good friend suggested that maybe she is going through some hard times as well and she just hasn't told me about them...but if that is the case, she should speak up. And even still she should be able to care a little about my losing someone close to me. I would think that were just basic human compassion...but apparently she is devoid of this...it is just too hard to think outside her own juvenile world, and think about someone else for one second.

This whole situation is ridiculous. At this point I feel our friendship is over. Why should I invest so much time and energy and caring in someone who can't even show the slightest bit of concern for my life? So how should I even want to fix things between us? I see no worth in fixing our friendship at this point... I just want to tell her exactly how she has hurt me, and explain to her that from here on out we are simply roommates. Just people that live together. That is it. No concern for the other's well being, nothing. Just roommates, no longer friends.

I feel that is what this comes down to...she has shown her true colors. And they are colors I don't like... she has shown me who she really is. And I suppose who she really is is not someone I want in my life. So unfortunately not only in the last week have I lost my aunt, but now I have lost my best friend as well.