The night time.
One of the greatest loves of my life has been the night time. Even as a child I remember loving to be awake late...well past when normal children were asleep. For me there has always been a bit of solace in the night time. I love the alone time the night gives. To be the only one awake...awake and thinking or doing whatever you are doing whilst the world is off in slumberland.
I recently started working the night shift...I work from 7pm to 7am. It is hard on the ole body, but I love it. I feel more alive when I work nights. Waking up in the morning is no small feat for me. Never has been an easy thing. I always feel like I am in this ridiculous fog for hours on end when I wake early in the morning. But I can sleep for only 5 hours during the day and feel like I can take on the world and win!
What is it about the night time that is so great? Well I love the way it feels. There is just something in the atmosphere in the middle of the night. You know that feeling of the night in the summer? Where you never want to sleep...you're tired but you don't feel it, for the night feels more restorative than sleep would? Well that is how the night time feels to me. I feel so often that sleep is overrated...and my time is better spent doing laundry at 2am.
I wonder what my neighbors think of hearing the washer at 2am...or when I randomly bake cookies and pies in the wee hours of the morning... It makes it all the more fun...EVERYTHING is better at 2am. It is just a shame there aren't more 24 hour establishments...
It is interesting how people are so incredibly different...one wakes at 5am everyday and sings with the birds, and another goes to sleep at 8am and tinkers with things all night long...
People are a curious invention no doubt...
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
loss on top of loss...
Wow...what can I say besides wow.
People surely never cease to amaze me. So my supposed best friend, and roommate has done just that: amaze me...well maybe a more accurate description is: disappoint and appall.
I just don't understand people.
So here I am in the midst of dealing with the loss of my aunt, the one and only aunt I am close to(One of the only 4 people in my dad's family I am close to). And my supposed best friend couldn't care less. I told her of the situation with my aunt the day it happened, when she was put into the ICU and on the ventilator. She had no concern or even interest--or so it seemed. And through the following weekend and into the next week I heard nothing, nor was I checked on by my supposed best friend.
How is it that near strangers are calling me and texting me and emailing me to see how I am and how my aunt is doing? And my best friend can't even find the concern to even ask me how I am or how it is going with my aunt?
So now I am left in the aftermath of the loss of my aunt, left in the middle of the grieving process and my best friend has no idea that she even died, nor--as it seems--does she even care.
For the first time in my life I am left at a loss for words. I have nothing at all to say to her...nothing. I don't even want to look at her, let alone speak to her. I am so upset, disappointed, and hurt by her I have nothing to say.
There will be words said, but not now. Not while I am dealing with more important things... I just don't see the worth in speaking to her right now.... A good friend suggested that maybe she is going through some hard times as well and she just hasn't told me about them...but if that is the case, she should speak up. And even still she should be able to care a little about my losing someone close to me. I would think that were just basic human compassion...but apparently she is devoid of this...it is just too hard to think outside her own juvenile world, and think about someone else for one second.
This whole situation is ridiculous. At this point I feel our friendship is over. Why should I invest so much time and energy and caring in someone who can't even show the slightest bit of concern for my life? So how should I even want to fix things between us? I see no worth in fixing our friendship at this point... I just want to tell her exactly how she has hurt me, and explain to her that from here on out we are simply roommates. Just people that live together. That is it. No concern for the other's well being, nothing. Just roommates, no longer friends.
I feel that is what this comes down to...she has shown her true colors. And they are colors I don't like... she has shown me who she really is. And I suppose who she really is is not someone I want in my life. So unfortunately not only in the last week have I lost my aunt, but now I have lost my best friend as well.
People surely never cease to amaze me. So my supposed best friend, and roommate has done just that: amaze me...well maybe a more accurate description is: disappoint and appall.
I just don't understand people.
So here I am in the midst of dealing with the loss of my aunt, the one and only aunt I am close to(One of the only 4 people in my dad's family I am close to). And my supposed best friend couldn't care less. I told her of the situation with my aunt the day it happened, when she was put into the ICU and on the ventilator. She had no concern or even interest--or so it seemed. And through the following weekend and into the next week I heard nothing, nor was I checked on by my supposed best friend.
How is it that near strangers are calling me and texting me and emailing me to see how I am and how my aunt is doing? And my best friend can't even find the concern to even ask me how I am or how it is going with my aunt?
So now I am left in the aftermath of the loss of my aunt, left in the middle of the grieving process and my best friend has no idea that she even died, nor--as it seems--does she even care.
For the first time in my life I am left at a loss for words. I have nothing at all to say to her...nothing. I don't even want to look at her, let alone speak to her. I am so upset, disappointed, and hurt by her I have nothing to say.
There will be words said, but not now. Not while I am dealing with more important things... I just don't see the worth in speaking to her right now.... A good friend suggested that maybe she is going through some hard times as well and she just hasn't told me about them...but if that is the case, she should speak up. And even still she should be able to care a little about my losing someone close to me. I would think that were just basic human compassion...but apparently she is devoid of this...it is just too hard to think outside her own juvenile world, and think about someone else for one second.
This whole situation is ridiculous. At this point I feel our friendship is over. Why should I invest so much time and energy and caring in someone who can't even show the slightest bit of concern for my life? So how should I even want to fix things between us? I see no worth in fixing our friendship at this point... I just want to tell her exactly how she has hurt me, and explain to her that from here on out we are simply roommates. Just people that live together. That is it. No concern for the other's well being, nothing. Just roommates, no longer friends.
I feel that is what this comes down to...she has shown her true colors. And they are colors I don't like... she has shown me who she really is. And I suppose who she really is is not someone I want in my life. So unfortunately not only in the last week have I lost my aunt, but now I have lost my best friend as well.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Thoughts...as always
Ok so I am one of those people that cannot turn their brain off... I am ALWAYS thinking. Thinking about things that matter...things that don't. Mid conversation I will have some random thought about the keys to the universe or something random like "oh man! I REALLY want to visit Paris in the fall!" Randomness.
Is that so weird? I don't think so. I think my mind just works on several different levels at once. Multi-tasking I suppose. I am that way with everything. Doing 17 things at once. Many Irons in the fire...always burning the candle at both ends, and sometimes in the middle too. But eventually it catches up to me....
That is what happened this weekend. My body says "eff you! I need a break!" So I end up feeling like shizz, but do I listen, and take the break my body is telling me I need? of course not. So I suffer through 12 hour nights of work. Nights that were busy. I like how when I am rockin' it is slow as hell, but the second I don't feel good we get our asses handed to us. Sick patients, and lots of them... WTF?! So after my second night of suffering and feeling like ass, I forced myself to take a break. I feel guilty though. Even though everyone was calling me to make sure I was ok, because they could tell something was wrong.
That is something that perplexes me. How is it that some people will call off of work for no reason at all, and never even feel the slightest twinge of guilt. And others have to have an all out war with themselves to call off. Even when they are incapacitated, and have all good reason to call off. And they STILL feel guilty?
I am sitting here...after sleeping all day, and most of the night...still feeling kind of shitty. And I feel guilty for not being at work right now. But yet my co-workers will use any excuse to call off. Hmm just another mystery of human nature I suppose.
Just like how some people are always thinking of others and how their actions will affect others, and some people would never give it a second thought.
People are odd creatures...perplexing, frustrating, intriguing, infuriating, and endearing.
Is that so weird? I don't think so. I think my mind just works on several different levels at once. Multi-tasking I suppose. I am that way with everything. Doing 17 things at once. Many Irons in the fire...always burning the candle at both ends, and sometimes in the middle too. But eventually it catches up to me....
That is what happened this weekend. My body says "eff you! I need a break!" So I end up feeling like shizz, but do I listen, and take the break my body is telling me I need? of course not. So I suffer through 12 hour nights of work. Nights that were busy. I like how when I am rockin' it is slow as hell, but the second I don't feel good we get our asses handed to us. Sick patients, and lots of them... WTF?! So after my second night of suffering and feeling like ass, I forced myself to take a break. I feel guilty though. Even though everyone was calling me to make sure I was ok, because they could tell something was wrong.
That is something that perplexes me. How is it that some people will call off of work for no reason at all, and never even feel the slightest twinge of guilt. And others have to have an all out war with themselves to call off. Even when they are incapacitated, and have all good reason to call off. And they STILL feel guilty?
I am sitting here...after sleeping all day, and most of the night...still feeling kind of shitty. And I feel guilty for not being at work right now. But yet my co-workers will use any excuse to call off. Hmm just another mystery of human nature I suppose.
Just like how some people are always thinking of others and how their actions will affect others, and some people would never give it a second thought.
People are odd creatures...perplexing, frustrating, intriguing, infuriating, and endearing.
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