The ER is a never-ending wheel of entertaining, perplexing and hair-raising adventures...
The tales us members of this ER cult can tell.
The man who shaved his leg--hair, skin, and some bone--with a chain saw.
The man whose wife bit his testicle just a tad bit too hard during a rough midnight romp, and nearly lost the family jewels.
The man who arrived to the ER mid-afternoon stating he had some "things" in his rectum. And upon X-Ray examination a full-sized shampoo bottle, a compact mirror, a lotion bottle, and several other toiletries were found. Apparently a wild one night stand left him with more than a few lasting memories.
Of course in 7 years of work in the ER that is only a mere sprinkling of the tales I can tell. But tonight I must laugh at the silliness of people and the things they do...and say.
Over the radio a few hours ago we get a patch for a Police Clearance. Turns out a girl with a history of Autism (not sure how it can be history when that is not something you recover from...but anywhooo...) was assaulting her boyfriend and injured herself. The police were called and she went to jail...
Just now: A patient was struck with a bowl. Yes bowl. Not sure whether a cereal bowl. A mixing bowl. A drug paraphernalia (pipe) bowl. Who knows. But a bowl nevertheless. At four in the morning, he was tragically struck with a bowl. Right in his shin! Call the trauma surgeon! STAT!
And twenty two minutes ago a man waltzed into Triage, and filled out his form to be seen by the doctor. Dammit Jim! He's got vomiting and "craps!" Oh no! Not the craps! --tell me why he can conjure up the word vomiting, but not diarrhea? Maybe too difficult to spell? Or craps sounded more complex? Painful? Tragic? Nope. Not really. More asinine. Just spelled out in five letters just how much he did not need to be in the EMERGENCY ROOM at four AM on a Sunday morning.
Ahh the perpetual battle between the people working the night away for the true emergencies, ending up treating the man who forgot to wash the dye off his hair and scalp 20 hours prior, and lo and behold! his scalp itches. At 2 AM no less...
At least it makes for ridiculous stories to fill the annals of asininity.
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