Naughty...or nice?

Naughty... what comes to mind?
Nice...what comes to mind?

Isn't naughty nice sometimes? I think so. I think that naughty is nicer than nice. Why are people so nice all the time? To me, niceties are often times people holding back. Holding back who they are, or what they really think, or what they really want. People aren't "nice." People learn to be nice...or even pretend to be nice...and learn to stifle themselves for the sake of being how they "should" be.

I was raised in a church that thought most everything was wrong. Even setting foot in a bar was wrong... because apparently alcoholism might attack you and take control of you if you set foot in a bar--or God forbid! have a drink. Even cooking with any kind of alcohol was wrong to them. Frankly I think all this obsession over right and wrong and "should" and "should not" is a load of crap. Why are humans as a whole, completely obsessed with what people think? Or what they "should" do?

Maybe people should start being real. Take your mask off and be you. Just BE. I have come to like this approach to living my life. I am so much happier now...I am comfortable in my own skin...and I make my choices...MINE no one else's. Maybe society and human kind as a whole really would be nicer if they knew people were being real with eachother, and most importantly themselves. Obviously this is not the kind of nice and naughty I started this discussion with. But I think it ties in. The more comfortable you are with you...your wants, desires, needs, thoughts, views, etc. The more you will open up...and possibly even be a little naughty.

I have...and I like naughty Val much MUCH better than prim and proper "Ms Perfect all the time" Val. And you know what? I think the people in my life like her better too...Ms prim and proper was a bit of a bitch...and also it was a lie. I may have seemed prim and proper...but that was NOT the case...it was just a secret.

So what is your secret? What are you afraid to let loose in the world. It probably won't be the Pandora's box you expect it to be...give it a whirl. What do you have to lose? Except for maybe a mask...and a fake personality. I lost mine. And I am not done yet. I am not as comfortable as I want to be...but all in time.

Sexy

The pinup... I have always had a fascination with the erotic. Whether barely taboo, or just raw sexy...It intrigues me. I have, as of recently, discovered a new passion for pinup photography and erotic couples photography...

I have even signed up for a photography class...to hone my skills. Quite the curious event...I went from being worried about what people would think...or say or whatever, to not being afraid of what anyone says...letting co-workers, friends, and strangers alike see my photographs. Ones I have taken, and provocative ones taken of me. I guess I am just finally comfortable being me...allowing people to see me...in any state. And allowing people I know to see my sexy side, and to think I am sexy.

What is sexy? I think sexy is any number of things... Sexy is a look, an outfit, a word, a tone. A warm spring day, a cold winter's night, cool summer rain hitting bare skin. Sexy is whatever you want it to be. But there is nothing sexier to me than capturing a moment, a feeling in time. I have always planned to do pinup pics for my future husband as a wedding gift. Something I thought would be a great gift for my man...and a great gift for any woman to give to her man.

Let's face it...men are visual creatures. They like looking at sexy things. Sexy women, sexy cars, whatever it is they want to look at it. Women over-react sometimes...you are out with your man and a voluptious woman catches his eye. So what. She obviously caught your eye too. Look. Just don't touch. And continuing with that...so many women hate that their men want to look at porn or hang T and A pics in the garage...well here's a novel idea. Make some of your own T and A pics.

Why not? He finds you sexy. Your stretch marks, and fat and all the shit you think is ugly makes you real. And he loves it. So why not accentuate your realness and SHOW him just how sexy you really are? Then when he is drooling over some hussie in a pic...you can feel good about it. because the T and A garage pics are pics of the woman he loves. Not some plastic model with a perfectly enhanced silicone body. But the real woman who he comes home to every night.

Now that is sexy.

What I really want...

First of many chapters I suppose...



So I have been changing a lot in this last year--more on that another time--due to a lot of reasons, but primarily due to the fact that something huge happened in my world, causing it to turn inside out. And I don't know about you, but the insides of things are not pretty. While the outside is meant to be seen, and is nice to look at, the inside may be another story entirely. As was the case with my life, and who I thought I was...



So after a year of staring at the bloody viscera of what my life was supposed to be, and what it 'should have' looked like, I have finally reached the point where I feel that who I truly am, and what my viscera looks like, is me. Me, ME, Val, the real one. Not someone else's representation of who Val should be, but Val. Period. I like this Val. This Val is comfortable in her own skin, and not "Ms. Perfect" all the time. I have come to the realization that as scary and as shitty as life can be, it is GREAT! But, it can only be great if you allow it to be, and IF YOU LIVE IT!



I spent a long time making and wearing my mask of independence. I wore it well...and damn it was a nice looking mask, only problem was: life isn't supposed to be a masquerade ball. Who knew?! I spent tons of energy on that mask, only to find it would better serve me and the people in my life if I cast it asunder. So upon removing my mask I was faced with yet more questions...Who am I? What do I want? Who do I really want to be? Where do I want this life to take me? And so on...



So here goes the start to the answering...



What do I REALLY want in life...no masks...just truth.



In this life I want the simple things really. I want to share my life, and make an amazing journey with a great man. A man who I can trust with my whole heart. A man who I can trust enough to fall for, and know that he will catch me. That he will catch me in his arms, and that when I fall his strength won't waiver...he will stand strong, holding the woman he loves. The man that is my companion...my partner in crime.



I want to be able to be the woman he needs. The one who takes care of him. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to meet his every need. To make my man know he is well taken care of, in any and every area he can think up. And I want him to do the same for me. I want to be Susie Homemaker, and have dinner ready when he comes home...I want to be the vixen who is standing in the kitchen with only an apron on. I want to meet him at the front door and attack him. I want to send him dirty little notes in his lunch everyday. Or panties in his coat pocket. I want to wake up every morning in his arms, and know how much he loves me, and how much I love him, without saying one word.



For so long I have talked about the life of adventure and going "balls to the wall" and taking this world for everything it has. And I want that, oh man do I want that. But I want someone to share it with. To build a life of memories with. Friends are great to make memories with, but making a life with someone is what I truly long for.

There is adventure to be found all over the world. Riding a bull, participating in the Tomatina, hiking the Great Wall of China, scuba diving, parasailing, sailing around the world, shooting a 50 cal, and all the other crazy ass things on my list of to dos. But while it may sound simple as hell, I think true adventure is found in living life. In finding the love of my life and marrying him, living life together...figuring out how to do life together. Raising kids, going to work every day, and falling asleep in eachother's arms every night. Just living, and making memories. That is the adventure I want. The adrenaline rush I have truly been looking for...