What I really want...

First of many chapters I suppose...



So I have been changing a lot in this last year--more on that another time--due to a lot of reasons, but primarily due to the fact that something huge happened in my world, causing it to turn inside out. And I don't know about you, but the insides of things are not pretty. While the outside is meant to be seen, and is nice to look at, the inside may be another story entirely. As was the case with my life, and who I thought I was...



So after a year of staring at the bloody viscera of what my life was supposed to be, and what it 'should have' looked like, I have finally reached the point where I feel that who I truly am, and what my viscera looks like, is me. Me, ME, Val, the real one. Not someone else's representation of who Val should be, but Val. Period. I like this Val. This Val is comfortable in her own skin, and not "Ms. Perfect" all the time. I have come to the realization that as scary and as shitty as life can be, it is GREAT! But, it can only be great if you allow it to be, and IF YOU LIVE IT!



I spent a long time making and wearing my mask of independence. I wore it well...and damn it was a nice looking mask, only problem was: life isn't supposed to be a masquerade ball. Who knew?! I spent tons of energy on that mask, only to find it would better serve me and the people in my life if I cast it asunder. So upon removing my mask I was faced with yet more questions...Who am I? What do I want? Who do I really want to be? Where do I want this life to take me? And so on...



So here goes the start to the answering...



What do I REALLY want in life...no masks...just truth.



In this life I want the simple things really. I want to share my life, and make an amazing journey with a great man. A man who I can trust with my whole heart. A man who I can trust enough to fall for, and know that he will catch me. That he will catch me in his arms, and that when I fall his strength won't waiver...he will stand strong, holding the woman he loves. The man that is my companion...my partner in crime.



I want to be able to be the woman he needs. The one who takes care of him. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to meet his every need. To make my man know he is well taken care of, in any and every area he can think up. And I want him to do the same for me. I want to be Susie Homemaker, and have dinner ready when he comes home...I want to be the vixen who is standing in the kitchen with only an apron on. I want to meet him at the front door and attack him. I want to send him dirty little notes in his lunch everyday. Or panties in his coat pocket. I want to wake up every morning in his arms, and know how much he loves me, and how much I love him, without saying one word.



For so long I have talked about the life of adventure and going "balls to the wall" and taking this world for everything it has. And I want that, oh man do I want that. But I want someone to share it with. To build a life of memories with. Friends are great to make memories with, but making a life with someone is what I truly long for.

There is adventure to be found all over the world. Riding a bull, participating in the Tomatina, hiking the Great Wall of China, scuba diving, parasailing, sailing around the world, shooting a 50 cal, and all the other crazy ass things on my list of to dos. But while it may sound simple as hell, I think true adventure is found in living life. In finding the love of my life and marrying him, living life together...figuring out how to do life together. Raising kids, going to work every day, and falling asleep in eachother's arms every night. Just living, and making memories. That is the adventure I want. The adrenaline rush I have truly been looking for...