trust

How does one regain trust in another?

I hate being stuck here in this slow ass ER, trapped with my thoughts. No distractions or diversions in sight, so here I am pondering and toiling away.

Can I trust him the way I once did? Will I ever feel better about all this? Is he lying to me still?

We're so happy when we're not trying to deal with heated subjects and normal errand-like tasks. When we can be carefree and just have fun it's so amazing. He makes me laugh like no other, makes me smile bigger than I ever have, and makes me feel more alive than ever before.

But ten seconds later all that can change and I feel as though I'm losing my mind and everything attached to it. Lately I've felt so out of control I fear I'll never regain it. Here I'm caught in the middle of a war. In the trenches the armies fight. One for the man I love more than words can tell and the other for the person I was, for the longing to regain control and some sense of normalcy. On and on they fight, tearing me apart in the wake of the shrapnel and bullet frenzied environs.

 Most times I never even think of the opposing view. I just lay there in his arms and feel so amazingly alive and loved. If only we could stay there forever and never think of anyone or anything else again...