tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23344761610722407432011-07-30T21:28:57.620-06:00Thoughts, rants, raves, and anecdotes from the day to day adventures that I call life...valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.comBlogger321100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-6664509519567540152010-07-31T00:00:00.000-06:002010-07-31T00:00:40.122-06:00

six months. that's right. six. we've made it this far... it feels good. but i'm scared. the itch is there... not the seven year kind of "eff off monogamy" itch. the "holy shit! I'm scared that it's all gonna wither away and just disappear one day when i least expect it" kind of itch. i try and try to be the person i was for him...the loving, caring, sweet girlfriend that he wants to marry.

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-80285836996693939092010-07-30T23:47:00.000-06:002010-07-30T23:47:38.073-06:00

How does one regain trust in another? I hate being stuck here in this slow ass ER, trapped with my thoughts. No distractions or diversions in sight, so here I am pondering and toiling away. Can I trust him the way I once did? Will I ever feel better about all this? Is he lying to me still? We're so happy when we're not trying to deal with heated subjects and normal errand-like tasks. When we

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-49823656764815687422010-01-27T05:08:00.001-07:002010-01-27T05:11:27.188-07:00

why do I continue this? guy after guy. time after time. each time I tell myself "this one's gonna be different" "this will be the time I let go of this stupid fear." but no. each time is exactly the same. the players look a wee bit different, but they're mostly the same. it's me telling myself some lie, and some guy feeding me other lies. and then I either get scared and walk away, push him away,

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-37293291233172594322009-09-09T04:10:00.003-06:002009-11-21T05:27:42.435-07:00

Back to work...A part of me feels as though I never left, and yet another part of me feels as though I haven't been here in years. Same old stuff. Some things have changed and far too many faces have changed in 6 weeks, but all in all the beast remains the same. Same cantankerous ungrateful patients, same grumbly coworkers, same everything. I missed it though. Boy did I miss it. I missed my

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-48668563386841865362009-09-09T03:28:00.003-06:002009-11-21T05:28:06.853-07:00

Used items are always cheap, but are rarely worth the bargain. For the money saved may well be paid in inconvenience.

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-22093340882527406602009-07-25T20:45:00.002-06:002009-07-25T20:54:52.399-06:00

here I sit... BORED AS HELL.I could and should be doing oh so many things. But no. I sit here thinking. I should be writing my paper. 4-6 pages due tomorrow at midnight. But I think I'll wait. I have more than 24 hours...Ah procrastination. So evil, and so good. Guess that adrenaline rush I get at the last few hours before a deadline is pretty potent...and I like it.Anyhoo. I had surgery last

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-87394957364827802142009-06-22T20:09:00.003-06:002009-11-21T05:29:09.524-07:00

Yup...the nice guy. The charming, sweet, loving, well-mannered nice guy.You know what they say: "Nice guys finish last."Why do they say that? Well, it just might be true...The nice guy. The damn nice guy. The one I always fall for. Well it's a crock. Truth is: nice guys aren't nice at all. They just don't have the stones to be a man. They are pussies. They play this game with you and buttercup

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-35555793771896325752009-06-07T01:18:00.002-06:002009-06-07T01:47:34.837-06:00

It's been jumped. I jumped the hurdle. The 'Get Your Ass Back Out There' hurdle.Dates :). First dates are the best. The flirting. The stories. The butterflies.The art of the distraction. And hey, quite possibly the sexiest Army boy ever could have something to do with the distraction level >:). Gawd. I know. Army boys. Shit. Every girl has their something. Their kryptonite. Mine just so happens

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-54147174301225693322009-05-31T21:52:00.002-06:002009-05-31T22:03:42.806-06:00

The letting go. Letting go of what? Of the hope that it would "work out," that he'd change his mind...that it would get good again. It's done. It has been from the start.Maybe on some level I knew this. I knew that somehow this would never work. Maybe that's why I wanted it so much. God I have never wanted any earthly thing so much. I wanted so much. But yet I was scared shitless. I'd never admit

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-33958628555094784792009-05-30T08:48:00.002-06:002009-05-30T08:53:16.541-06:00

Girl Like MeMiranda LambertYou don't need a girl like meI've got bruises you can't seeAnd when the lights go outI won't be aroundYou don't need a girl like meYou can't have a heart like mineBut you can hold it for a whileAnd when the lights go outI won't be aroundYou can't have a heart like mineThere's a rule that goes unwrittenAnd I break it from time to timeIf you're fool enough to listenThen

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-82268115615824665392009-05-28T16:31:00.000-06:002009-05-28T16:40:28.255-06:00

Seriously?So how is it that every single time I am waiting for a package to arrive the UPS man shows up the moment I step out of the shower? Yup that's right. I step out of the shower, water-soaked, just starting to towel off and... knock, knock, knock. I normally pick up the pace of my towelling. Scurrying to dry the water enough to throw my jeans on. But this never works. Never. I end up with

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-54074787598819378132009-05-27T08:52:00.004-06:002009-05-27T16:31:29.142-06:00

That's what he said. I never worry about you until you get too far into your own head...Struck a chord. A thick heavy E chord. Ya know? The fatty on your guitar, the one that digs deep into your fingers as you depress, trying desperately to make something similar to music. You press. It hurts and you press harder still. Your feeble finger trying with all it's umph to make a good clean crisp noise

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-20234159589422999342009-05-26T04:46:00.001-06:002009-05-26T05:04:49.577-06:00

At this moment I'm feeling strange. I just poured my heart out to someone... Someone I've been hesitant to get close to. I won't go into details, but I could get very close to him if you know what I mean. And this would be bad. Very bad...He whines and moans because I won't let him into my life. But I have very strict boundaries. I know that things go crazy without our planning.Life is so

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-48303073749715116192009-05-24T04:35:00.000-06:002009-05-24T04:54:22.926-06:00

The ER is a never-ending wheel of entertaining, perplexing and hair-raising adventures...The tales us members of this ER cult can tell.The man who shaved his leg--hair, skin, and some bone--with a chain saw.The man whose wife bit his testicle just a tad bit too hard during a rough midnight romp, and nearly lost the family jewels.The man who arrived to the ER mid-afternoon stating he had some "

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-91038476018241145622009-05-14T23:51:00.000-06:002009-05-22T00:46:21.991-06:00

The happiness factor... Happy. Such a simple word. So often unused. How many people are genuinely happy? Truly, honestly happy? For the longest time I went around claiming happiness, but all the while I was more dead inside than anything. I remember countless times when people would tell me to smile more. "Val you have such a pretty smile, I wish you weren't so serious all the time." So many

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-85226229516538558322009-04-16T02:21:00.001-06:002009-11-21T05:30:05.023-07:00

I was asked today if I knew the meaning of friendship...I thought I did, but apparently I do not know how to find true friends...or lasting friendships for that matter.Inevitably I find myself, time after time, in parasitic relationships. Again and again I enter into friendships and/or dating relationships where I care and give more than the other person. I have very few friends, and even fewer

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-79618736347029309562009-04-12T05:46:00.000-06:002009-05-24T04:19:42.900-06:00

The healing.The hurting.Both are necessary...and most times they are inextricably linked. It hurts and it must heal, but hurting is an indication of healing...Working in healthcare I am no stranger to the fact that when a wound heals it will hurt. Sometimes the healing process is markedly more painful than the injury. The injurious pain felt was immediate and sharp. While the healing gives a dull

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-69980088574038335162009-04-03T00:04:00.000-06:002009-05-15T00:45:01.963-06:00

The pain our parents can dole out upon our lives can be lasting. At one point I thought that the issues with my relationship with my father had been dealt with.I was wrong.My childhood is split in two. The chasm of drug addiction forever changed my relationship with my father. Before his addictions gained the upper hand in his life he was a fun-loving playful soul. My father was my buddy. I was a

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-45394400266195419832009-03-28T10:38:00.002-06:002009-06-07T01:16:13.588-06:00

Well this has been an interesting adventure...I have asked the questions, gotten some of the answers...and I feel a wealth of clarity, and a host of confusion. But all the while I feel much better about the situation. The "what are we?" is gone...we are friends. Friends that may well have gone WAY too far out of the friend zone for a spell. But friends nevertheless. My pride is wounded for sure.

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-59118176556709863922009-03-22T01:36:00.000-06:002009-03-22T02:30:58.012-06:00

What I am...What I am not...Who I am...Who I am not...So many questions and so many answers... so much unsaid. Gasp! I feel so incredibly bogged down with questions right now. The ones I should ask. The ones I want to ask. The ones I don't want to ask. The ones I have asked, but still feel as though they have not been satiated. My mind is in a flurry of thoughts, questions, propositions,

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-56887793894950390272009-03-18T10:53:00.001-06:002009-05-24T18:12:19.564-06:00

Well here I am once again...stuck in a place where I either swallow my pride or I make the hard choice on account of principle. Stuck. Wedged in between two choices that are equally shitty. Not a fun place to beYou know sometimes I truly wish I were one of those girls who was completely oblivious to the things around her. Sometimes life in the fog is so much more peaceful than life spent staring

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-14931564372377364132009-03-14T18:28:00.000-06:002009-03-14T19:13:22.889-06:00

Ahh it grows...The secret desire to be a housewife is growing...I fear it may take over my entirety soon. Well maybe not FEAR. It is a perplexing feeling...that of embracing the very thing you once ran from and denied to no end. Finally. FINALLY I am embracing the fact that all I want in this life is to be the woman that makes her man happy. To meet that man and fall madly and deeply in love with

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-68763929923848570862009-03-10T21:48:00.001-06:002009-08-20T02:27:56.619-06:00

Wow...Man that is my word of choice lately.Interesting week.Someone I met months ago is back in town, and it adds bucket fulls of questions to my life, but strangely there is a peace beyond my toiling questions...It feels so good. The moment I first saw his face again, I felt as though I was melting. I wondered if it would be awkward seeing one another again after so much time had passed, but it

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-53225776523478141162009-03-01T08:02:00.001-07:002009-05-24T18:16:10.004-06:00

The night time.One of the greatest loves of my life has been the night time. Even as a child I remember loving to be awake late...well past when normal children were asleep. For me there has always been a bit of solace in the night time. I love the alone time the night gives. To be the only one awake...awake and thinking or doing whatever you are doing whilst the world is off in slumberland.I

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-62999549907201657002009-02-26T23:52:00.000-07:002009-02-27T00:20:08.535-07:00

Things are a changing... always.Changes abound within my life...especially what I am willing to admit I want from life. I have discussed this before, the fact that extravagance aside, what I truly want is the simple life. To share my life with a great man. An honest man whom I trust wholly and completely, a man who brings me unending joy, but who constantly challenges me.I want a meaningful

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-39995211764306042732009-02-25T23:45:00.001-07:002009-05-24T18:16:59.468-06:00

Harsh: unpleasantly stern. I can be harsh at times...but life is harsh. I have always stood very soundly in my opposition to sugar-coating. I think that people are too afraid of hurting one another's feelings. So instead of saying or doing what really needs to be done, they save face and leave things unsaid, or undone. Only for a later outcome...usually ending in the situation spiraling

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-23972720954050096422009-02-17T11:44:00.000-07:002009-02-17T12:08:42.155-07:00

Wow...what can I say besides wow.People surely never cease to amaze me. So my supposed best friend, and roommate has done just that: amaze me...well maybe a more accurate description is: disappoint and appall.I just don't understand people. So here I am in the midst of dealing with the loss of my aunt, the one and only aunt I am close to(One of the only 4 people in my dad's family I am close to).

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-15087427039404034652009-02-10T13:04:00.000-07:002009-02-10T13:35:10.235-07:00

Death.It is part of life. That is a given, and while we are in a way prepared for it our entire lives, it always catches us off guard. My aunt has been ill for 13 years. For exactly half of my life I have known that she would die an untimely death. That the illness she had would one day kill her. I am trained in medicine and understand the logic and all the reasons as to why it is she is dying.

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-70243403970268906872009-02-02T05:46:00.001-07:002009-05-24T18:17:39.297-06:00

Ok so I am one of those people that cannot turn their brain off... I am ALWAYS thinking. Thinking about things that matter...things that don't. Mid conversation I will have some random thought about the keys to the universe or something random like "oh man! I REALLY want to visit Paris in the fall!" Randomness.Is that so weird? I don't think so. I think my mind just works on several different

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-47767462398731123482009-01-31T23:55:00.000-07:002009-02-01T00:46:10.208-07:00

Naughty... what comes to mind?Nice...what comes to mind?Isn't naughty nice sometimes? I think so. I think that naughty is nicer than nice. Why are people so nice all the time? To me, niceties are often times people holding back. Holding back who they are, or what they really think, or what they really want. People aren't "nice." People learn to be nice...or even pretend to be nice...and learn to

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-53701246188131810192009-01-31T23:39:00.005-07:002009-08-20T02:12:21.284-06:00

The pinup... I have always had a fascination with the erotic. Whether barely taboo, or just raw sexy...It intrigues me. I have, as of recently, discovered a new passion for pinup photography and erotic couples photography... I have even signed up for a photography class...to hone my skills. Quite the curious event...I went from being worried about what people would think...or say or whatever, to

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2334476161072240743.post-53191844899560637672009-01-30T15:41:00.000-07:002009-01-30T16:28:39.549-07:00

First of many chapters I suppose...So I have been changing a lot in this last year--more on that another time--due to a lot of reasons, but primarily due to the fact that something huge happened in my world, causing it to turn inside out. And I don't know about you, but the insides of things are not pretty. While the outside is meant to be seen, and is nice to look at, the inside may be another

valerifichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14632961504617095929noreply@blogger.com0